You can’t just decide you want to do this or that. You have to be invited.
If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population.
Do you still throw spears at each other?
Change doesn’t change tradition, it strengthens it. Change is challenge and opportunity, not a threat.
We don’t come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.
You don’t really want nonagenarians as heads of organisations which are trying to do something useful.
I have frequently been misrepresented. I don’t hate the press; I find a lot of it is very unpalatable.
It’s better to get out before you reach the sell-by date.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
I had been playing polo, and I decided to give up at the age of 50.
I am the only man in the country not allowed to give his name to his children.
It’s much better to go when you are still capable than wait until people say you’re so doddery it’s time you went.
I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.
A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.
Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.
British women can’t cook.
If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed.
If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?
Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf.
Well, you’ll never fly in it, you’re too fat.
You were playing instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?
The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.
If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?
Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy.
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years.
I never see any home cooking – all I get is fancy stuff.
Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?
If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.
I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit.
Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.
